my bed is soft and warm, i crawl in every night next to the person i dreamed about for years. i can't imagine crawling into bed with anyone else ever again.
i can remember though. i can remember crawling into many places to sleep. finding shelter for the night, and picking up a few friends along the way. a comfy couch in an apartment in east brainerd, before that a not so comfy couch in hixson. a tiny apartment in east ridge, a fabulous view out a back bedroom on signal mtn, the a fabulous view out of the front bedroom thanks to a change of rooms and a wayward occupant...hehe. i crashed in a house on mississippi, and one just a few blocks away, many a night spent on the side of lookout mountain, later on a nice little couple in georgia let me sleep over in rock springs, i've laid my head in dunlap, and red bank, and a duplex here and there in the hills and vallies of tennessee. many nights near camp dixie, many nights near big soddy creek, a few nights further south, atlanta, birmingham, san antonio... home is a word...right? home is just a word...
Wednesday, May 31
Throwing Stones
People who live in glass houses should not throw stones. I spent the better part of my morning putting out fires. Why is it that when two or more women are within a block of each other they have to fight. Two of my hardest working people are women, buy my lord they are some catty bitches especially when they work together. The lesbian hates the house wife and visa versa, after many hours of listening to each of them, cry lie and blame each other, their 3rd grade shenanigans boiled down to a she said/said pissing contest. I scolded them both and then they were fine, I was of course the bad guy, which is a hat that is starting to fit comfortably when it comes to these two wenches.
About twenty minutes before closing tonite, they were still sulking around, being rude to customers, pissy in general, one of them came up to me and pointed out a little girl, maybe 2 years old if that. She was sitting in a mud hole filling a plant with rocks, throwing a few little stones around, as much damage as a little tike can muster. "Aren't you gonna do something about that?" I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and walked away. I went over to the little girl and started throwing rocks with her. The family are regulars in the store. The little girl has one leg. You couldn't tell through the little pink tights covering her little plastic toes, just another perfect blonde hair blue eyed baby girl. After they left, I stopped and made a couple pissy employes a little more aware of the world they live in. I explained that a few rocks in the mix are nothing, and I would not be the monster they sent out to project their bad day on a little girl that had way more problems than them. I shook my head, walked away and threw a few more rocks, sometimes in life just do not merit a fight, and sometimes it feels like freedom,to just be able to throw a few stones, just sit in a mud hole, throw a few stones, and be thankful, sorry it's been so long blog.
About twenty minutes before closing tonite, they were still sulking around, being rude to customers, pissy in general, one of them came up to me and pointed out a little girl, maybe 2 years old if that. She was sitting in a mud hole filling a plant with rocks, throwing a few little stones around, as much damage as a little tike can muster. "Aren't you gonna do something about that?" I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and walked away. I went over to the little girl and started throwing rocks with her. The family are regulars in the store. The little girl has one leg. You couldn't tell through the little pink tights covering her little plastic toes, just another perfect blonde hair blue eyed baby girl. After they left, I stopped and made a couple pissy employes a little more aware of the world they live in. I explained that a few rocks in the mix are nothing, and I would not be the monster they sent out to project their bad day on a little girl that had way more problems than them. I shook my head, walked away and threw a few more rocks, sometimes in life just do not merit a fight, and sometimes it feels like freedom,to just be able to throw a few stones, just sit in a mud hole, throw a few stones, and be thankful, sorry it's been so long blog.
Monday, May 8
Bleed for me
The last week has been crazy. People at work are driving me nuts. J is in the process of moving back in, and I am trying to study for the Texas certified nursery professionals exam coming up. It all leaves me a little luke warm at the end of the day. Don't get me wrong, I love having j back under whatever circumstances, but the other work/manager shit buries me daily. Today I was working in the office, a million miles behind because someone else called in sick. As I swung the door open I cut my finger, and the blood ran out of me in the 96 degree heat of the day. I sat on the step and watched myself bleed for a minute. I thought about how infinite the world is and how incredible finite I am. You are too. We are flesh and bone, and I know everyone of you reading this have a place inside that bleeds and burns and we turn it off everyday because life is beautiful...
it's a beauty pageant and we are all stars. The worst things that have happened to us as individuals has made us, molded us, breed us to be stronger , better , more.
So I sat there for a minute and let the blood run down my finger, watched the life inside meet the air, drop to the floor, puddle with the dirt. A river is running somewhere without me. A river is running inside me. A river is running without me...
Ernest Hemingway has a quote that says ,"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places."
I don't feel broken, but I don't always feel mended?!?! Anyway, I put a bandaid on and the world continued to turn.
it's a beauty pageant and we are all stars. The worst things that have happened to us as individuals has made us, molded us, breed us to be stronger , better , more.
So I sat there for a minute and let the blood run down my finger, watched the life inside meet the air, drop to the floor, puddle with the dirt. A river is running somewhere without me. A river is running inside me. A river is running without me...
Ernest Hemingway has a quote that says ,"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places."
I don't feel broken, but I don't always feel mended?!?! Anyway, I put a bandaid on and the world continued to turn.
Wednesday, May 3
Welcome Home
"Even the best fall down sometimes,
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme,
Out of the doubt that fills your mind,
You finally find,
That you and I collide...."
~H.Day, "Collide"
We are what we are at the end of the day, we are always what we are, and we find what we need when we need it, and in the between times we collide, and sometimes it is a beautiful thing, and sometimes it hurts like hell, we are what we are....
welcome home J.
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme,
Out of the doubt that fills your mind,
You finally find,
That you and I collide...."
~H.Day, "Collide"
We are what we are at the end of the day, we are always what we are, and we find what we need when we need it, and in the between times we collide, and sometimes it is a beautiful thing, and sometimes it hurts like hell, we are what we are....
welcome home J.
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