Letter from home

I recieved an email today from a friend back home. When I worked at the barn, our bosses daughter was diagnosed with cancer. She has been fighting and continues to fight for several years now. This week she was sent home, the chemo has stopped working. She is spending time with the people close to her. She turned 11 this year, and has been fighting this terrible disease for 5 years now. Anyway, just keep them in your thoughts and prayers, and grab your rugrats, or wife, or hubby, and hug them and kiss them, and pray that they never have to learn words like neuroblastoma or accutane treatment, or chemotherapy. Miracles happen...

Can you?

can you feel it in the air
fall is in the air
pride comes before the fall
i have fallen so many times

can you feel it in my hands
the hard rough caulosed skin
i work so hard to be something
i have been nothing for so long

can you see it in my eyes
fear is the sleeping fire inside me
i long to be more than i am
the fire just will not burn

can you feel it in the air
a storm one day soon is coming
the pride the fire the fear will meet
and there you will find me resting

The Long Way

I heard this song tonight, and i smiled, a little pride puffed my chest for getting out and away from what wasn't really home...
yeah, i'm alright...i'm alright.
I have drank with an irish man, and I have smoked some hippies under the table, i'm alright, i'm damn fine....


The Long Way ~ Dixie Chicks
"My friends from high school
Married their high school boyfriends
Moved into houses in the same ZIP codes
Where their parents live

But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

I hit the highway in a pink RV with stars on the ceiling
Lived like a gypsy
Six strong hands on the steering wheel

I've been a long time gone now
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
But I've always found my way somehow

By taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around

I met the queen of whatever
Drank with the Irish and smoked with the hippies
Moved with the shakers
Wouldn't kiss all the asses that they told me to

No I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

It's been two long years now
Since the top of the world came crashing down
And I'm getting' it back on the road now

But I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around
I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around
The long
The long way around

Well, I fought with a stranger and I met myself
I opened my mouth and I heard myself
It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself
Guess I could have made it easier on myself

But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
If you ever want to find me I can still be found

Taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around"

Can you hear me now?

So today was super sucky, my shoulders feel like steel. I am babysitting a pack of grown adults that are all just in the mood to play and not work. Management sucks. Take David for instance. He's the deaf kid at work. Very bright, very willing to learn, but....and its a big but, he thinks what I am telling him to do is mere suggestion, rather than matter of fact, do this task. Today I asked him to cut back the rose bushes and handed him the pruners, he smiled and grunted at me little deaf guy noises, we gave the thumbs up and I left him to work. Flash forward to ten minutes later, a giant chill down my spine as what to my wondering ears do I hear.... wait for it.....wait for it.... the fucking chainsaw. Now let me paint you this picture, David has never used a chainsaw. We bought a new one for the Christmas season YESTERDAY.YESTERDAY. YESTERDAY. IT IS LESS THAN 24 HOURS OLD. He takes it to another one of my brilliant employees and writes this note: "I have never used one of these can you start it for me." Much to my chagrin, the dumbass starts it and sends the deaf boy off with a vibrating huskavarna, bleeding orange, giant redneck, tree cutting, clear cutting, treeeeee cutting chainsaw. The roses are gone, the chainsaw is broken, and now cut to me explaining this debacle to the owner. That was just the first 2 hours of my day, I won't go into the dance number, or how many of them it took to cut a fucking log. I am in hell. I am surrounded by the crazy, the deaf, the spiritually aware(druggies), and the criminals. Tomorrow I think I may call in sick. I have typed up so many "this is your last warning" letters to idiots this week. I think I'm ready to flush this whole lot and take applications for some new little shits. I need a drink....

Gilded

uncomfortably sinking in passive aggression,
uncarefully uttering the first words thought,
pouring salt into already seasoned wounds,
it's like reading the story before the book is bought,
mixing up metaphors grasping for direction,
flipping the light switch just to hear it snap,
pretty birds in such a gilded cage,
see now how you've built your own trap,
you wrap up your sadness in a blanket of fear,
like a mother not wanting to hear a cry,
silly little pretty birds the door is open,
but not for you who are afraid to fly.
~d.dent


p.s. poets don't have to use proper punctuation...ha it's art

p.p.s. if i haven't said before, all of my poetry is mine, don't hijack it, just ask, copyright crackola 07

Sleeping...be gone

oh how great would it be to spend you days eating, sleeping where you like and on whom you like, and then sleeping some more. i want to be a cat...

Zilker Park

Have you ever seen butter fly?

It's raining in Austin baby...

Done Wrong ~Ani Difranco
"the wind is ruthless
the trees shake angry fingers at the sky
the people hunch their shoulders
hold their collars over their ears and run by
it's a cold rain
it's a hard rain
like the kind that you find in songs
i guess that makes me the jerk with the heartache
here to sing you about how i've been done wrong"


We rolled into Austin, got ourselves a hotel room, and set off to scratch the itch that only a weird city can provide. Something about Austin makes you feel like an artist. Maybe it's because it's bathed in so many of them, each one papering over the others poster trying to be the next best thing. The concert was great, stubb's bbq has a nice outside venue, very all to itself for being in the heart of town. We parked, and walked the 2 blocks to take our place in the line. Shortly there after security guards started the rounds looking for cameras, and other misc contraband. As a result , you will see no pics of the lovely , allbeshe pregnant, ani difranco. The crowd consisted of about 300 lesbians, 50 gay men, 10 straight men being drug in by their women, and a dozen or so extra large guys of the bouncer variety. Doors open, we all file in, beer up, gear up, and cop a squat waiting. The skies opened before the first act, and by the time ani took the stage, the place was a drunken blurr of cold wet loud music. The adventure was as much fun as the concert itself. We left out with some good music, some mud between our toes, and damn fine buzz, well, me anyway.

road trip

tonite i will be here www.stubbsaustin.com/music.php listening to ani difranco, drinking beer, unraveling myself. i will then stumble to the nearest cheap hotel room the great city of Austin has to offer, and sleep until manana.


"there was light and then there was darkness
but there was no line in between
and asking her heart for guidance
was like pleading with a machine
cuz joy, it has its own justice
my dreams are languid and lawless
and everything bows to beauty
when it is fierce
and when it is flawless"

Happy Plantings

That's My Job

I made this planter up and sold it for 60 bucks, it cost us about 28 dollars in materials. I should really just go into business for myself, I make this man too much money.

Alien Encounter

This little dude was just hanging out in my yard when I plucked him up and brought him inside to play. I bet thats what alien encounters are like. Just hanging out one day when all a sudden you get scooped up and taken in some strange house to see weird shit and giants. Poor little frog. I let him go after I played a bit. Frogs are cute and fun.

A brighter note

This is the table I made last week. Sandra helped stain it. I bought a cedar plank, some sand paper, and burned the flower design in free hand. I think it turned out nice, we put it on an old pair of wrought iron legs and ta da. Table.

How can I be mad at this beast?

She curled up by my head last night when I was upset and let out the most pathetic sigh, I think she was just as upset as I was.

Only child

Well, we considered our options carefully, and after much consultation with the rescue shelter, we sent Nash back. He was abused as a pup and really needs the one on one, had he been a little younger, or smaller, the transistion might have happened. Apparently he was prone to fights and she didn't let us know that fully. He came to us with an open wound on his head from a previous fight picked. After seeing how miserable Sasha WAS i JUST COULDN'T CONTINUE PUTTING EITHER OF THEM THROUGH THAT TRANSISTION. It was very sad, he was starved as a pup and isn't safe to be around when he eats. With sandra having dialysis we couldn't risk a dog fight around a person that has wounds that won't clot if bumped. We decided to take him back to a loving foster mom who assured us he is in no harm, he immediately ran off with his buddies (18 great danes she has rescued). I still wish we could have helped him, but I can't feel bad that he wasn't the dog for us. for now sasha will be an only child, and at least I know I tried. I feel better having consulted with her, some abuse dogs are difficult to place and do better in a one on one, which is what he gets as a house dog with her. So until next time, by the way, my eyes were purple when i woke up this morning, nearly swollen shut from crying over this whole fiasco, at least i know i tried, and now i have about 100 dollars worth of new dog supplies/kennel/leashes ect...so perhaps a pup will be in the future, i think next time we will let them meet on neutral ground rsather than bringing a dog in to take over. sasha is a crazy beast just like me, but she's my beast and we share a spoiled thing that is all my fault, so i can't be mad at her. lesson learned the hard way...sigh

goodnight moon

i'm a little sad tonight...

Torn Up

I took half a day off to spend with my new puppy, and now I have to give him back. I've been torn up all afternoon. My psycho dog sasha apparently loves me more than i knew, she won't let him within a foot of me without practically ripping his face off. She started biting again when jeremy got near him. I called the rescue shelter to speak to jo ellen and burst in to tears. this dog is so sweet, my heart is broken, but at the same time i can't let sasha freak out every ten minutes, and hurt him, or me, or sandra, she can"t split them up if they fight. I am so upset, I nearly threw up, I know this is all probably rediculous to you, but I really wanted this dog. I love sasha, i guess it's better to give him back before i get super attached. I can't believe I only had him for 24 hours and I'm crying like a fool... jesus, what a shitty week to stop drinking...

I just got the word that i can pick up Nash tonight at 6:30. Sandra will be surprised, she was thinking next week. hehe.

Nash

I just heard from Nashes foster mom via email, I'm so excited. We are gonna talk tomorrow and see if he's the dog for us. i'm so excited!!!

Moonlight

i took this one last night from my driveway

"The Night Watchman"

beta hater

so i switched over to a new version of blogger, and maybe you have noticed my absence, maybe not, but it took me several damn days to figure out how to get back in, i nearly fainted when i thought i lost my blog. oh and a p.s. just to see how many of you really read this crap, no alcohol for 10 days, woot, tomorrow i drink, i was just proving a point.

Puppy love

this is nash, we are trying to adopt him. it's harder to get a dog than a kid these days. i think lola will love him. we had a couple stray boxers here this week untill we found the owners, and sasha had the best time and was so well behaved. not to mention we fell in love with the idea of a playmate for her. ok, i fell in love with it. anyway, maybe nash will come live with us, we shall see...