I wept for you

the last few months have been weighing on me, working on me, pulling at me. i have dug up and drug out ever posible excuse to wallow in my own self. tonight i was reading a dear friends blog, and he posted a link that i too will post . the story of Danny and Annie Perasa. www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5230164
it made me slow down, it made me think, it made me sob like a child, maybe i needed a good cry, and if i had to give the tears away, these two folks deserved them. for love, for life, for the unselfishness that comes in finding yourself in someone else. it made me find a thankfulness for the love i have in sandra, and how much she has changed me. we live a pretty normal life, other than the lesbian thing, oh, and the part about her needing a new organ and having to have dialysis three times a week for about 4 hours each time. the rest of this pertains to any and all of you reading this, feel free to post a comment, but i won't discuss this blog with you. this is me now, this is the part of me that hates her being sick, and hates the fact that i am helpless and hates the fact that it can't just go away. this is the part of me that is so scared inside that i can't and don't even talk about her being sick. the first week i lived with her she was put in the hospital, her body had lost five pints of blood. now for those of you counting, that means she was running on 3. i remember being so scared that i came home and sat outside of jeremy's bedroom and cried til he woke up because i couldn't find the hospital. then i remember the nurses telling me i wasn't family and i couldn't see her because she was too sick. that fear still sits in the back of my brain. she is well, happy, and living quite normally besides the dialysis thing these days. i don't know, i guess i just felt that stir in me as i was sitting here listening to their story, how much they love each other, and the little things they do . when sandra and i were doing the long distance relationship, i used to call her and tell her i was standing on my head just to make her smile, of course she laughed, and my job was done. what i haven't told her, unless she reads this, is that i will gladly stand on my head for eternity...just to make her smile. i'll probably delete this, and i most definately won't discuss it, that includes you too sandra. typing is one thing, speaking is another.