storms a comin

it got up to 92 today, and now the light show has started, some spring heat storms are rolling in, storms outside, storms in my head,i should sleep well......

the happy paper towel

i am afraid that i very well might be alone. i think i could surround myself with thousands and still in my head i am alone. some days i just don't think my brain functions on the same level as the general populas. i think i might want more out of life, i think i do, but then i have a shitty day and i think fuck you world, you have kicked me all my life, nothing has ever just been easy, nothing has ever felt completely safe, not even home. a million people buzz around me everyday in this city and i choose to drown them out, i cover them over in pastel blossoms and big green leaves.

today a lady yelled at me for 20 minutes about how she had had a terrible day, and at 5 minutes before closing, i was suppose to twitch my nose and make her home life, work life, and landscape woes go away. i explained to her that i was nothing more than a plant sales person, i wasn't a therapist.

gravity came crashing like a symphony...

why am i here, because of love...yes.

why do i work in a thankless job, because i love that too.

when will i stop being a sponge for the world...maybe never.

when will i love myself as much as my wife, my cat , my dog, my plants, maybe never.

i did the dishes tonite, walked the dog, cleaned up the kitchen...and found my happiness in the paper towels.
i opened a new roll and they were covered in ladybugs and butterflys, and i smiled and then i cried, and i dried it with a ladybug paper towel, because the world is bigger than i am, an my heart and soul are tired and i feel so small, and out of all the asshole people i met today, the only thing that made me smile was my paper towels. i'm going to sit here, and breathe, inhale, exhale, thats all...thats all i have in me today...

outsider

it's weird, i've been here for a couple years now, but it's still not mine, and i'm drinking, and the floating men are on loud... and i am an outsider... i have no friends here, and thats cool, i'm not lonely really, i just miss a good piss drunk night sitting at the back of a familiar bar, drinking and singing, and this makes no fucking sense...so i'll pop another beer and toast my invisible life...


I'm gravel and stone
I'm weeds and rattlesnakes
I'm bottles and bones
I'm a long, flat interstate
I'm brambles and thorns
I'm wild blackberry vines
I'm traveled and worn
I'm sundown all the time
I'm wandering barefoot down her tar and gravel eroscape
I'm much obliged, stranger, much obliged
I lost my bearings in her maze of veils and tattered drapes
I'm evening as the crow flies
I'll always be the new guy
I'll always be the last of the fools in line
I'm evening as the crow flies
I'm twilight as the last of the scarecrows cry
"Outsider, nobody home"
I'm August at noon
I'm miles of railroad
I'm a sucker for June
I'm a long, long time ago
I'm stranded on a Ferris wheel of yearning
I don't understand
Help me down, stranger, lend a hand
I'm locked in battle with the Herculean shadow
Of her once upon a fine man
I'll always be the new guy
I'll always be the last of the fools in line
I'm evening as the crow flies
I'm twilight as the last of the scarecrows cry
"Outsider, you're on your own"

Too TIRED must SLEEP

i am truding along with no days off...so tired, my dogs are beat, and so is this one.... i stole this from another website...cute puppy

Speedy

speedy just gets weaker and weaker everyday... poor little baby

PART 2

Who am I?
"Wait...Who are you?" The questions fell out before he had time to think."Where the hell am I?" He turned in a large circle and ran his fingers through his hair rather manically. " I am a messenger in a large city lady, and I don't know what those guys were after last night, and I don't know where my city went!! City, c period i period t period y period. I am not a boyscout! I don't do well with nature!"

She watched him as he started to pace back and forth in the new spring grass, no expression on her face. "You asked to be here, and here you are. " She turned again to go. He felt his blood pressure rise, but stayed suprisingly calm in her presents. " Okay, I didn't ask to be here, and I still don't know where here is, please enlighten me?!"

"Let's see, a distinct voice broke the silence last night, fearful, doubtful, far louder than any other voice we caught on the wind of your world." She paused and let him absorb the last few words of her sentence. " My world, mmm... my world? As far as I know there is only one civilized world lady. This is earth right?" his brain went into high gear and he contemplated the thought that perhaps he had somehow teleported through the storm, or maybe he was in a coma, or perhaps this was a deep stress induced sleep. "Okay then, where am I? Please explain how I got here? How did YOU hear MY voice?"

She came within arms reach of him, and again the smell of wild lilac filled the air around him and he instantly felt calm. He studied her face and watched her move, as curious as he was disturbed. " You are in between my dear John." Before she could speak again he began the assault of questions. "In between, like this place is called that, or like in general? Like the cream in between the oreo? This is nuts!" He stumbled backwards frustrated. She let out a soft laugh. "Theoretically yes, you are the cream in a dimensional oreo. This particular place in between is called Cassia, and it is a mirror of, or a projection of what your world could have been, like a sibling universe, existing with ,yet totally separate from a thousand other mirror earth images, and you have found your way here by choice."

His thoughts flashed quickly to the night before. He thought about the "important" messenger job he had in the city. Important was right, he was a glorified dirty money middle man. At the ripe old age of 24 he had been party to more dirty money than most government officials of this day and age. He managed to escape the guilt with a healthy cut of the profit, and he had never actually made any deals, just been the delivery boy. Last night was obviously a deal done wrong. The last thing he could remember saying before his face met the pavement was,"Please let me wake up anywhere but here!"

His head swam, "Jane I think I need to..." Once again John found himself face down on the ground, but this time he had fainted...

Is alcohol taking a toll on your pet?

I love the time and in between
The calm inside me
In the space where I can breathe
I believe there is aDistance I have wandered
To touch upon the years of
Reaching out and reaching in
Holding out holding in
I believeThis is heaven to no one else but me
And I’ll defend it as long as I can be
Left here to linger in silence
If I choose to
Would you try to understand
I know this love is passing time
Passing through like liquid
I am drunk in my desire...
But I love the way you smile at me
I love the way your hands reach out and hold me near...
I believe...
I believe
This is heaven to no one else but me
And I’ll defend it
as long asI can be left here to linger in silence
If I choose toWould you try to understand
Oh the quiet child awaits the day when she can break free
The mold that clings like desperation
Mother can’t you see I’ve gotTo live my life the way I feel is right for me
Might not be right for you but it’s right for me...
I believe...
I believe This is heaven to no one else but me
And I’ll defend it as long asI can be left here to linger in silence
If I choose to
Would you try to understand
I would like to linger here in silenceIf I choose toWould you understand itWould you try to understand...