the happy paper towel

i am afraid that i very well might be alone. i think i could surround myself with thousands and still in my head i am alone. some days i just don't think my brain functions on the same level as the general populas. i think i might want more out of life, i think i do, but then i have a shitty day and i think fuck you world, you have kicked me all my life, nothing has ever just been easy, nothing has ever felt completely safe, not even home. a million people buzz around me everyday in this city and i choose to drown them out, i cover them over in pastel blossoms and big green leaves.

today a lady yelled at me for 20 minutes about how she had had a terrible day, and at 5 minutes before closing, i was suppose to twitch my nose and make her home life, work life, and landscape woes go away. i explained to her that i was nothing more than a plant sales person, i wasn't a therapist.

gravity came crashing like a symphony...

why am i here, because of love...yes.

why do i work in a thankless job, because i love that too.

when will i stop being a sponge for the world...maybe never.

when will i love myself as much as my wife, my cat , my dog, my plants, maybe never.

i did the dishes tonite, walked the dog, cleaned up the kitchen...and found my happiness in the paper towels.
i opened a new roll and they were covered in ladybugs and butterflys, and i smiled and then i cried, and i dried it with a ladybug paper towel, because the world is bigger than i am, an my heart and soul are tired and i feel so small, and out of all the asshole people i met today, the only thing that made me smile was my paper towels. i'm going to sit here, and breathe, inhale, exhale, thats all...thats all i have in me today...