Wednesday, June 21
Testing 1-2-3
today i took the texas nursery professional certification exam. it was long. 250 multiple choice, 35 plant disease identification slides, 50 plant id's, 35 matching, drawing one complete landscape design, and a partridge in a pear tree. i was the first person done in my group. i wizzed through the plant id section, i knew them all, easily. the 250 questions sucked, so much reading, so many little standardized bubbles. now i wait for the results. it was like a weight lifted. i came home and slept for three hours. the end...
Sunday, June 18
Make me whole
There are a few things in this world that still make me cry, touch me, move me.
There are few people in my life that still make me cry, touch me, move me...
If you are reading this and you know me, there is a good chance you have been one of those people.
Yesterday was hard for me, my body was slow, due to my alcohol consumption the night before. My brain was sluggish, my spirits low. I overslept...Late to work by 45 minutes. I felt so heavy.
I drug around for 2 hours when a friend stopped by. She pops up at weird moments , once every 2 or 3 months. I know I've told you about her before. She is a middle aged woman. Small lady, big spirit. She is a reike master. A spiritual healer. She was like rain on a dry day. I helped her with her plants, and she had me walk her to her car. She stopped me and closed her eyes and whispered that she knew she had come for a reason. Weird , yeah, I know. Welcome to my life. I have learned to go with such things. A normal person would be embarrassed to have her chakras realigned in a parking lot, but I knew, and know I have nothing to lose, so I copped a squat on her trunk and let her do her thing. Spiritual moments happen to all of us , wether we choose to acknowledge them or not, that said, she centered several meridians, and did some stuff to my collar bones, and some stuff with my feet. She closed her eyes and told me she was made "aware" of my fear. She told me to let it go. We loaded up her plants, and she hugged me and giggled. "It was no wonder I came here today," she said. She jumped in her car with no further adieu and left. I turned and walked away and the sweetest, coolest breeze washed over me, I went in the bathroom and cried. I don't know if I just needed to be acknowledged on that level, or if there was really some spiritual healing, but my heart and soul felt better after she left. These things really happen to me... These are my days....
There are few people in my life that still make me cry, touch me, move me...
If you are reading this and you know me, there is a good chance you have been one of those people.
Yesterday was hard for me, my body was slow, due to my alcohol consumption the night before. My brain was sluggish, my spirits low. I overslept...Late to work by 45 minutes. I felt so heavy.
I drug around for 2 hours when a friend stopped by. She pops up at weird moments , once every 2 or 3 months. I know I've told you about her before. She is a middle aged woman. Small lady, big spirit. She is a reike master. A spiritual healer. She was like rain on a dry day. I helped her with her plants, and she had me walk her to her car. She stopped me and closed her eyes and whispered that she knew she had come for a reason. Weird , yeah, I know. Welcome to my life. I have learned to go with such things. A normal person would be embarrassed to have her chakras realigned in a parking lot, but I knew, and know I have nothing to lose, so I copped a squat on her trunk and let her do her thing. Spiritual moments happen to all of us , wether we choose to acknowledge them or not, that said, she centered several meridians, and did some stuff to my collar bones, and some stuff with my feet. She closed her eyes and told me she was made "aware" of my fear. She told me to let it go. We loaded up her plants, and she hugged me and giggled. "It was no wonder I came here today," she said. She jumped in her car with no further adieu and left. I turned and walked away and the sweetest, coolest breeze washed over me, I went in the bathroom and cried. I don't know if I just needed to be acknowledged on that level, or if there was really some spiritual healing, but my heart and soul felt better after she left. These things really happen to me... These are my days....
Wednesday, June 14
The Wreckers "Stand Still, Look Pretty"
I want to paint my face
And pretend that I am someone else
Sometimes I get so fed up
I don't even want to look at myself
But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I hate the way you look at me
I have to sayI wish I could start over
[Chorus]I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
You might think it's easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty
Sometimes I find myself shaking
In the middle of the night
And then it hits me and I can't
Even believe this is my life
But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I wish that everyone would go and shut their mouths
I'm not strong enough to deal with it
And pretend that I am someone else
Sometimes I get so fed up
I don't even want to look at myself
But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I hate the way you look at me
I have to sayI wish I could start over
[Chorus]I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
You might think it's easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty
Sometimes I find myself shaking
In the middle of the night
And then it hits me and I can't
Even believe this is my life
But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I wish that everyone would go and shut their mouths
I'm not strong enough to deal with it
Friday, June 9
Bicycle chains and spare change
Tonight we went in search of new bikes. It's the latest in our get fit quick schemes, and hopefully one we will stick to. Sandra got a cute little pink one, Jeremy got a blue one, and I got an aluminum colored one. We shopped around and finally settled on the ones at target. I need to exercise more, and the nearby park just put in some new bike paths, so, I say, no day like today. As we were leaving the target, after dropping close to 400 bucks between the three of us, trekking off across the parking lot, I hear a little girl say to her mom, wow those look expensive. I turn and make eye contact with a lady holding the hand of 2 little dirty blonde haired girls. She asked us if we had any spare change, I felt around in my pocket, all three of us were dry of cash.
now here's the rub. My heart bleeds for children that are used as tools for begging. The mother wasn't pimping them out, but still, I know what it feels like to have to tell someone you are hungry, the shame in being poor, and the dark corners it leaves in your mind years after you have put it behind you. I got to the truck and we loaded our bikes, I'm sure a lot of people look down on the mother, but what if that really was her last straw. What if your kids had to depend on the kindness of strangers or go to bed with an empty stomach? Let me tell you from experience, strangers are not always kind, and I remember my mother crying at night because she couldn't provide for us. Those days are long gone for me, and I can do , see, have, and eat the things I want. I walked back over and the little girls whispered loud as little ones tend to, look mama she's coming back. All I had was a ten dollar bill, it was going to be a bottle of wine for me, but now I hope it is dinner for 2 little girls. I didn't make eye contact with their mother, but the little girls smiled as she said god bless you. As I walked away, I couldn't help but think he already had.
now here's the rub. My heart bleeds for children that are used as tools for begging. The mother wasn't pimping them out, but still, I know what it feels like to have to tell someone you are hungry, the shame in being poor, and the dark corners it leaves in your mind years after you have put it behind you. I got to the truck and we loaded our bikes, I'm sure a lot of people look down on the mother, but what if that really was her last straw. What if your kids had to depend on the kindness of strangers or go to bed with an empty stomach? Let me tell you from experience, strangers are not always kind, and I remember my mother crying at night because she couldn't provide for us. Those days are long gone for me, and I can do , see, have, and eat the things I want. I walked back over and the little girls whispered loud as little ones tend to, look mama she's coming back. All I had was a ten dollar bill, it was going to be a bottle of wine for me, but now I hope it is dinner for 2 little girls. I didn't make eye contact with their mother, but the little girls smiled as she said god bless you. As I walked away, I couldn't help but think he already had.
Friday, June 2
this is my life
bottle of wine...check
messed up cowboy hat...check
happy trees bob ross t shirt...check
drunk crackola... check
sieze the day
i woke up at the ripe hour of 10:30 this morning. scratched my ass, farted , got out of bed, you know, the usual. fed the cat, fed the dog, fed the ferret, fed the fish, drank jeremy's left over cold coffee, one gulp. i then prceeded to the recliner to spend my mid morning planing my mid afternoon. i will clean the pool, i will pick up my check, i will go to wally world for supplies, i will begin flipping through the giant nurseryman's study manual that i recieved today. it's about four inches thick, the test is in 2 and a half weeks. okay, motivated, ready to go, outside the house, in the car, key in the ignition......
click
click
click
out of the car...hood up, thinking if i give it a stearn talking to and a dirty look it might start. back in the car...
click
click
click
the battery is dead. elvis dead. kurt cobain dead. brittany spears' career dead.
i bum a boost from the old man down the street in exchange for some polite conversation about his health, the weather, and how long we had been in the neighborhood. it starts!
angels sing
i rush off to the auto parts store where i am waited on by a female. she was obviously there to flirt and sell shit, i wasn't impressed by her cleavage and explained that i just needed a battery. she followed me out with the battery, that i carried. proceeded to ask me how i was gonna get that in there? i wanted to tell her i would just use my teeth, but she was so stupid she might have believed me, so i asked for a wrench, she came back with pliers. that'll do i replied. i finished changing the battery to her surprise, closed my hood and left her standing in awe of my butchness as i drove my powder blue dodge colt a la 1992 into the texas traffic.
the rest of the day is going okay now, i have read a bit o the book, cleaned the pool, and done poop patrol in the yard. later on i intend to clmb a building and perhaps save some whales, and maybe, i'll teach myself karate later too. no, no i won't, because i am only a superhero in my own eyes.
click
click
click
out of the car...hood up, thinking if i give it a stearn talking to and a dirty look it might start. back in the car...
click
click
click
the battery is dead. elvis dead. kurt cobain dead. brittany spears' career dead.
i bum a boost from the old man down the street in exchange for some polite conversation about his health, the weather, and how long we had been in the neighborhood. it starts!
angels sing
i rush off to the auto parts store where i am waited on by a female. she was obviously there to flirt and sell shit, i wasn't impressed by her cleavage and explained that i just needed a battery. she followed me out with the battery, that i carried. proceeded to ask me how i was gonna get that in there? i wanted to tell her i would just use my teeth, but she was so stupid she might have believed me, so i asked for a wrench, she came back with pliers. that'll do i replied. i finished changing the battery to her surprise, closed my hood and left her standing in awe of my butchness as i drove my powder blue dodge colt a la 1992 into the texas traffic.
the rest of the day is going okay now, i have read a bit o the book, cleaned the pool, and done poop patrol in the yard. later on i intend to clmb a building and perhaps save some whales, and maybe, i'll teach myself karate later too. no, no i won't, because i am only a superhero in my own eyes.
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