Tuesday, January 31
Take the fall
I feel that I need to retract all of the Capitan bitch x posts I have made. After her early demise yesterday I felt a little bad. I really had started talking to her, and I think she was gonna fall into my "good" people column. She called today to check on me. She felt bad leaving me in such a corrosive workplace. She really did get the raw end you see. Today was the previous general managers last day, she is having a baby in a few weeks, and hell to biscuits that is all I hear about. Babies shit and cry, and you can't get drunk or hit them, or make them bring you beer or anything. They are worthless, like creamed corn. Beside the point, she was a real bitch to captain x because she didn't want her spot filled while she was gone. So captain x called today to tell me her side of the story. She wasn't fired at all. He told her to give it a few weeks, ahem...Wait til the prego vanishes. I think that was a shitty thing for him to do. Grow some balls and tell the prego to go stick some candy in her hair and hang out at chucky cheese with all the other snotty baby gap shopping moms. Captain x is really Jan, and I hope she comes back, because for a brief moment, a small small second, we found clarity, we saw the light. She doesn't treat us like kids, she doesn't take it personally if we don't want to hang out with her, she manages like a manager, and I would gladly forfeit my promotion to work with her. I'm not a manager type anyway, I'm a doer. I need to be dirty, to get the right plants to the right people. When I'm wrong I say I'm wrong.
Monday, January 30
Completion
One small step for Texas, one huge step for stinky farts and the trots. Krystal has come to Texas. San Antonio opened it's first Krystal today. My life here is complete. The cosmic fusion of burger and bun is mine once more. Tonight I drive...I wait...I clog my arteries with the fatty greasy goodness that is a krystal burger. You know you love them, you know you want them, now they are mine. Gooey square goodness is mine!
Float on, float on...
it’s fine with me
if her nights are lonely
cause when there’s a warm breeze
she opens all of the windows
and surrounded by the sounds of the town winding down
she has dreams about me
and I’m satisfied
if her nights are lonely
cause when there’s a warm breeze
she opens all of the windows
and surrounded by the sounds of the town winding down
she has dreams about me
and I’m satisfied
Sunday, January 29
Me, and thee, and a tree

When the world seems crazy, and friends are a million miles away, I stop and find a nice big tree, climb right up there and realize there are arms big enough in this world to hold everything. When I was a kid I would climb trees and just sit there. If I felt lonely or bored, or sad. Trees are cool. This is another giant live oak I found at another park. It was almost as if it was reaching down just wanting someone to find sanctuary in its limbs. The older I get, the more friends I seem to make in the plant kingdom. Does this make me weird? Maybe it's not me, maybe it's just that people are too needy. I think I'll climb trees until my legs don't work. Sleepy now...
Another animal exchange
Speedy: That dog doesn't look so tough.
Lola: She will bite you if you go near her.
Speedy: But i really need to sniff her butt!
Lola: Sheesh you gotta get outta that habit, it's gonna be your demise.
Speedy: Cover me Lola, I'm going in for the sniff...
Lola: (sits down licking herself) You are on your own.
puppy returns with a speedy in her mouth...
Sasha: Look what i caught Lola, wanna play?
Lola: I am surrounded by morons.....sigh.
Lola: She will bite you if you go near her.
Speedy: But i really need to sniff her butt!
Lola: Sheesh you gotta get outta that habit, it's gonna be your demise.
Speedy: Cover me Lola, I'm going in for the sniff...
Lola: (sits down licking herself) You are on your own.
puppy returns with a speedy in her mouth...
Sasha: Look what i caught Lola, wanna play?
Lola: I am surrounded by morons.....sigh.
Smarter than the average feline
Garden hippie vs. Captain Bitch X
The sky was blue, and a dust bunny rolled across the old gravel road. Back to back we started the ten paces away from one another. My hands were steady because I could smell the fear of a yankee in my midst. 7...8...9...10...Draw shoot! The barrel still smoking as I reholster my water wand. Hehehe. Ding dong the witch is
dead, the boss called me in today and told me I get to order all the plants cuz she just ain't what we're lookin for. Just when I was starting to like her...hehehe. (She really was kinda nice, she just doesn't understand the ways of the old time mom and pop shops.) I'm the sheriff in these here parts, go on nah an get outta here.
dead, the boss called me in today and told me I get to order all the plants cuz she just ain't what we're lookin for. Just when I was starting to like her...hehehe. (She really was kinda nice, she just doesn't understand the ways of the old time mom and pop shops.) I'm the sheriff in these here parts, go on nah an get outta here.
Teenage assbag skater punks
So a couple days ago I'm driving in my neighborhood, minding my own. The kids at the end of the street are skaters, they have their ramps and shit all in the ADULT road, where CARS drive, but do I complain. No, I don't. The assbag sees me coming decides he can still make his jump, and hits my car with his skateboard. Being the cool , quasi-hip neighbor I am, I just give him a wag of my finger and shake of my head. Tonight, he does it again, except this time he isn't so great at his own game, he falls in front of my car, and my bumper is a 1/4 inch from kissing his ass. I just knew I had killed my first kid. Now, not knowing how to react to this my first emotion becomes anger. I gave the little shitbag an earfull. His grandma just gave me the dirty eye, so I'm all bajeezus lady, roads are for cars, and this isn't the first time this has happened! He musta said sorry a thousand times, I was just glad I didn't hit him, so if you are a stupid teenager, or if you know one, keep the little fucks outta the way of my car, it's paid for, and I don't have time for dead child guilt...Little fuckwads.
Friday, January 27
Bite me!
Friday afternoon

The grass is damp under my back, it feels soft and cool and I think my body could melt right into eternity in this very spot. A small pup tight to my hip, snoring ever so softly. When I close my eyes, I see a thousand colors bleeding from the mid-day sunshine. The sky is robin's egg blue, and a big fluffly cloud cat just passed overhead followed by a boat and a quickly dissipating dragon. The breeze is so easy and clean, it feels like a lover's fingers soft on my skin. A big lazy cat sits 10 yards away gingerly washing paws then face then paws again. The finches are back, fussing around in a big pyracantha that is loaded with red berries. A grey squirrel is barking and worrying in a flower pot near the house looking for past buried treasures. As you can see it has been a hard day. (yawn...stretch...)
Deep in the hundred acre wood
Thursday, January 26
silence
it's quiet, all the critters are asleep, and i am to tired to eat or drink, so i too will go to sleep. this puppy is better than A.A. i don't have time to get drunk, or anything else for that matter. night....yawn
Always ahead of the trends

go here if you want the real scoop. I still think giant furry babooshkas at a cowboy bar would be great, with bling beltbuckles and boots!
New VW Beetles
Why is it that mainly middle aged pseudo hippies drive these cars? Not to forget the teenage girls dressed in flower print pastels, they drive them too. Just an observation. Damn hippie wanta-be's. Don't shower for a month then drive an old school bug. Then you are a hippie.
Lola hates me
We just got back from the vet, I had to crate Lola or else she goes beserk in the car, the pup sits in the seat and rides, number one humiliation for Lola. Then we get to the vet, Lola gets a shot, pup gets a doggie biscuit and pets and hugs from all the staff. Lola hisses and tries to bite the vet in retaliation, I chuckle. She takes after her mom is all I can manage to say in her defense. Then on the ride home pup thought it would be a great idea to get as close to Lola as she could, by sitting on her head. Sorry Lola, you get tuna for dinner.
Wednesday, January 25
speedy and lola on meeting sasha
lola: (to speedy) It's a dog
speedy: a dodge? We got a new car? Sweet!
lola: are you deaf or just dumb?
speedy: well I heard you so I guess just dumb...
lola:why do I even bother!@?&*!@!#$%%!%#$%$%???@#@#$
speedy: a dodge? We got a new car? Sweet!
lola: are you deaf or just dumb?
speedy: well I heard you so I guess just dumb...
lola:why do I even bother!@?&*!@!#$%%!%#$%$%???@#@#$
Minty Fresh
Does your dog have that not so fresh puppy breath? Well, mine doesn't! She successfully ate my patch of mint today, she smells like a stick of double mint, but I can't say the herbs faired too well.
Monday, January 23
I am a chew toy
Today I got a puppy, tomorrow I buy stock in band-aid. She is so sweet, and quiet, I just kenneled here in for the night, she is finally asleep. I will tend my wounds before bed. She is a little piece of happiness right here in my living room. Lola will disagree. Lola will get her wounds tended now as well. Puppy teeth are like needles. Dozens of sharp little flesh piercing needles. I have a puppy. She eats cat food, dog food, shoes, socks, sticks, plastic, paper, fabric, pretty much anything that doesn't eat her back. I have a puppy. What have I done. I have saved a dog from death or misery, that is what I have done, and once I sleep on it, and take her out again tomorrow to the park and hear the ohhhs and ahhhs of the people telling me how cute she is, I will feel the love fire up again, and know I did a good thing. Tonight, I will de dog slobber myself, treat the teeth marks in my arms fingers, toes, knees, and tits, and realize she is just a baby. a little baby, and I am hers. One good thing ...She walks on a leash like a natural. She is so happy, and I am so tired. Goodnight little sasha
Sunday, January 22
pre-puppy jitters
well, it's my last free night. tommorrow i will be responsible for another life. not like a cat, independant, confident life, it's a needy, love me, talk to me, walk me dog life. i will have a puppy. a little bit of love that i will hopefully cherish into my late forties. potentially i could have this dog for the next 16 or 17 years. stop ...pause....we're will you be in 17 years? i will feed her, and house her, and walk her. for 17 years.
here's to 17 great years. thanks sandra. i know i pushed this dog stuff, but i think it's gonna be a damn fine ride. besides, all good lesbos have dogs. hell yeah i get a puppy i know i'm being way over excited, but i need this, it's a damn good thing!
here's to 17 great years. thanks sandra. i know i pushed this dog stuff, but i think it's gonna be a damn fine ride. besides, all good lesbos have dogs. hell yeah i get a puppy i know i'm being way over excited, but i need this, it's a damn good thing!
Saturday, January 21
Seat backs in the upright
Hell yeah, it's about damn time. I finally got enough frequent flyers to get a damn free flight...Yeah biotches!
Friday, January 20
Poodle people!?@?@!?
http://www.panasonic.co.jp/olympic/movies/movies09.html
this one is strange... like a train wreck, i watched it all the way through...
this one is strange... like a train wreck, i watched it all the way through...
today i got a puppy, she will get to come home on monday, see last post. anyway, in the mean time, i have filled the house with things she will need.
dog bed, check
chew toys, check
puppy chow, check
collar, check
leash, check
flea collar, check
tag with name and adress in shape of bone, check
doggie shampoo, check
now i just need the dog here, sandra has been laughing at me with my pile of dog stuffs around me, i am so excited!
dog bed, check
chew toys, check
puppy chow, check
collar, check
leash, check
flea collar, check
tag with name and adress in shape of bone, check
doggie shampoo, check
now i just need the dog here, sandra has been laughing at me with my pile of dog stuffs around me, i am so excited!
It's a GIRL!

okay everybody....
meet Sasha.
Sasha is the white pup with the black spot on her eye. The other pup is also available for adoption, but we could only take one. This pic is from the pound web site. They just brought her in and the man was about to name her Juanita, and I shuddered and said oh please can we walk her. I held her for aprox. 4 minutes and she was mine. I took her back in and asked if I could name her. They let me. She is my sasha. I am in love all over again. I get to bring her home Monday since they had just brought her in, she still has to be spayed. She's my girl. I'm excited like a little school girl. The best part is we really saved her, it is a kill shelter, so she needs me just as much as I need her. Oh yeah, sandra loves her too! and melanie is her god mother and jeremy is her fairy godmother...yippie
Wednesday, January 18
Oh deer!


I know I told some of you about this, but it's too damn good to pass up. What do you get for the woman that has everything? Well of course you get her a singing buck. My brother has a heart of gold, and is as good as they come, but this was what he got my mother for Christmas... I am redneck in my bones. It's in my blood ya'll. Next year maybe I'll get her bullets or something.
Conspiracy theory
Lola: Did you hear that?
Speedy: Hear what?
Lola: You are an inferior beast....
She said dog you fool.
Speedy: What's a dog?
Lola: Why do I try?@?!*@
(We are puppy shopping, my reign here is complete!)
Speedy: Hear what?
Lola: You are an inferior beast....
She said dog you fool.
Speedy: What's a dog?
Lola: Why do I try?@?!*@
(We are puppy shopping, my reign here is complete!)
Just like water

There are only a few things you need in life, if you are under the age of 20 and some how reading this, skip it. You should learn this on your own. You need money, not a lot, just enough to be comfortable. You need food, it's yummy and keeps you alive, and you need friends, you need them like you need water. The people I have met in the last ten years that I call friends, are more like earth. I grew a bit by knowing all of them. They are solid hard living, hard loving people, and they are always there. Be it a shoulder to cry on , a bed to pass out in, or just the fact that they feel like home. That feller there on the end is a collector item. He came along with the tye dye. As a matter of fact the one in the purple did too. You stumble across a few old souls that you tuck in your pocket and keep for life. It just feels good to know that I have people in my life that are blood close. Like family. I can cuss you out and we will still be friends close. Like water. Just like water.
Tuesday, January 17
Buckle up, it's life!
Summer 1994
The ride attendant nonchalantly walks by checking and making sure all seat belts are fastened before the carts take off down the old wooden frame. I look over to my best highschool friend, Johanna, give her the evil this might kill us grin, and scoot forward. When the bar drops it only falls half way and I take off my lap belt. I look over and see her gulp a seemingly last breath of air. The wheels turn and then the audible click click click click of the chain pulling us up the first damning hill. She gave me a quick punch that said put your seatbelt on dumbass, but it was too late we had rounded the top. I threw my hands in the air and let out a whoop of delight. There it was straight ahead the loop that would have me defy gravity, or spit me out on my head and crack my skull. I did not defy gravity, and a fist full of my shorts was all that saved my ass from being a concrete stain. It was the biggest rush. A stupid thing to do, but adrenaline is king sometimes.
in the 12 years that have followed that summer, I have done many more stupid things. Plenty of which should have killed me. In everyone of those situations I have found someone there with a fist full of shorts pulling me back down to the ground. I guess that's what friends do. I guess I should be thankful for those kind of friends since I don't have the brains to not get into some of those situations. Anyway, just a memory.
The ride attendant nonchalantly walks by checking and making sure all seat belts are fastened before the carts take off down the old wooden frame. I look over to my best highschool friend, Johanna, give her the evil this might kill us grin, and scoot forward. When the bar drops it only falls half way and I take off my lap belt. I look over and see her gulp a seemingly last breath of air. The wheels turn and then the audible click click click click of the chain pulling us up the first damning hill. She gave me a quick punch that said put your seatbelt on dumbass, but it was too late we had rounded the top. I threw my hands in the air and let out a whoop of delight. There it was straight ahead the loop that would have me defy gravity, or spit me out on my head and crack my skull. I did not defy gravity, and a fist full of my shorts was all that saved my ass from being a concrete stain. It was the biggest rush. A stupid thing to do, but adrenaline is king sometimes.
in the 12 years that have followed that summer, I have done many more stupid things. Plenty of which should have killed me. In everyone of those situations I have found someone there with a fist full of shorts pulling me back down to the ground. I guess that's what friends do. I guess I should be thankful for those kind of friends since I don't have the brains to not get into some of those situations. Anyway, just a memory.
Monday, January 16
Do we still have the dream?
Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I'm sure my stating this hasn't enlightened anyone. Hopefully the rest of this post will.
I called my mom just to chat and see how things were going this weekend. I was shocked and a little pissed off at what she had to say. She told me that my brother had to have his number changed because some kids were harassing my nephew. His new best friend is black. My nephew is being bullied because he isn't prejudice. Nice right. It gets better. She then goes on to tell me that the school has extra guards because some one has threatened to shoot up the place targeting the black students. Now my rational head knows this town and the kinda shit people like to do to scare other people. It is a racist town and that is sad. The emotional side of me wants to find these fuckers and kick them in the head for scaring children and parents and breeding hate. A seed doesn't grow unless someone nurtures it, feeds it, and pushes it along. What kind of seeds are we starting in our world. I'm gonna leave this post at this because I don't really want to soapbox, it's not just a black white thing anyway. Hell just ask a woman if you have to be black to be discriminated against, ask a gay person, ask a special needs person. I just feel like we should all know better, myself included...
"I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality.... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word. " ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
I called my mom just to chat and see how things were going this weekend. I was shocked and a little pissed off at what she had to say. She told me that my brother had to have his number changed because some kids were harassing my nephew. His new best friend is black. My nephew is being bullied because he isn't prejudice. Nice right. It gets better. She then goes on to tell me that the school has extra guards because some one has threatened to shoot up the place targeting the black students. Now my rational head knows this town and the kinda shit people like to do to scare other people. It is a racist town and that is sad. The emotional side of me wants to find these fuckers and kick them in the head for scaring children and parents and breeding hate. A seed doesn't grow unless someone nurtures it, feeds it, and pushes it along. What kind of seeds are we starting in our world. I'm gonna leave this post at this because I don't really want to soapbox, it's not just a black white thing anyway. Hell just ask a woman if you have to be black to be discriminated against, ask a gay person, ask a special needs person. I just feel like we should all know better, myself included...
"I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality.... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word. " ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
Wrong much?
Today the cbx pulled me aside and apologized. I of course played it off like I had no idea what she was talking about. I told her I had the attention span of a flea and didn't have time to get bogged down in petty work gossip. So it took her two weeks and several customers telling her she didn't know shit to realize that I might be a valuable person to have around. She isn't a horrible person, and I still don't trust her, but I can at least tolerate her now. I suppose I have no choice really.
Thursday, January 12
The most important part of that 2 year ago move
I wrote about moving here 2 years ago, and almost forgot the reason. The reason is Sandra, she is the reason i do most things these days. i heard this song today, and i remembered all the long nights crying because i knew where i needed to be. No more crying baby...
If you wait for me then I'll come for you
Although I've traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me
If you miss me once in awhile
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart
Remembering Your touch Your kiss Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart
If you wait for me then I'll come for you
Although I've traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me
If you miss me once in awhile
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart
Remembering Your touch Your kiss Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart
You moved me...

A couple of years ago I packed up two of my best friends in the world and drug them across the country to start a new life. One of them loved me so much that he stayed and started a new life of his own. The other one couldn't turn down a cheap trip across country if she had to. Both good good people, the kind you need singing Willie Nelson in your ear when something else is on the radio. The kind that get alcohol poison before driving a 30 foot long truck. The kind you need. The kind I need anyway.
I close my eyes and smile right now. We have all ended up right where we always knew we would. I guess I didn't realize 2 years had past. I'm glad I had stale pizza, stinky ferrets, and a couple good people with me. Who knows where I might have ended up.
Me, messy??
Sandra says I need to clean my nightstand and the area on my side of the bed. We have the bed about 16 inches away from the wall on my side. It leaves me a nice little path, and just enough room for the little lamp table.
it also gives me room for the collection of things that find their way mysteriously there. She says it's clutter. So this is my bedside inventory as of 10 am today.
4 books...Reading at least 3 of them now.
1 gameboy
3 glasses of water...I get thirsty at night, and the glass mason jar doubles as a weapon for intruders...hehe
1 portable dvd player
2 box sets of DVD's, buffy, xena, I'm a lesbian, yeah, make something of it...
2 remote controls
1 and a half rolls of toilet paper
2 extra pillows...They don't count, I just walk on them, not really in my way
several scrunchies
1 bottle of lotion
1 bottle of throat spray
3 pair of glasses, all mine, I have to look good when I read in bed you know
1 phone, ringer always off, if I'm sleeping it's not that important
1 lamp...Fighting constantly for it's rightful place.
so I have a few things. But hey remember that m night stupidhead movie about the aliens, that kid had water glasses all over the house and saved the whole damn family because of them. Ok, ok, now that I see it in print I guess I will tidy things up a bit. I can't help it if I need things to get through the night. I'll move all of this shit today, and forget where I put it all, I bet I will.
it also gives me room for the collection of things that find their way mysteriously there. She says it's clutter. So this is my bedside inventory as of 10 am today.
4 books...Reading at least 3 of them now.
1 gameboy
3 glasses of water...I get thirsty at night, and the glass mason jar doubles as a weapon for intruders...hehe
1 portable dvd player
2 box sets of DVD's, buffy, xena, I'm a lesbian, yeah, make something of it...
2 remote controls
1 and a half rolls of toilet paper
2 extra pillows...They don't count, I just walk on them, not really in my way
several scrunchies
1 bottle of lotion
1 bottle of throat spray
3 pair of glasses, all mine, I have to look good when I read in bed you know
1 phone, ringer always off, if I'm sleeping it's not that important
1 lamp...Fighting constantly for it's rightful place.
so I have a few things. But hey remember that m night stupidhead movie about the aliens, that kid had water glasses all over the house and saved the whole damn family because of them. Ok, ok, now that I see it in print I guess I will tidy things up a bit. I can't help it if I need things to get through the night. I'll move all of this shit today, and forget where I put it all, I bet I will.
Wednesday, January 11
Yawn
My day was crazy, I only seemed to encounter really needy, bossy, or crazy people today, I blogged about one earlier at work, but the rest of the day was just as nuts so I've decide I am a fucking weirdo magnet and I'm gonna leave it at that. So if you are a member of a weird religious group...Ahem...Cult, sure, stalk me, if you need to yell at a random person, search me out, if you can blame something on me I know nothing about, let me be of service...This has been my day. I am so glad I am off tomorrow....sheesh. Now i remember why i don't like people.
Tuesday, January 10
Sponge Bob Square Pajamas
I look like the sun gone supernova. I must say I can't help but giggle at myself having just gotten out of the shower and the hopping into my new sponge bob p.j.'s, complete with matching house shoes. Head to toe sunshine. I am way to large to wear this much yellow. If I go outside small children are going to mistake me as the damn school bus. I will be hailed by business men in search of a taxi. King Kong will think I am his breakfast. Icould live on sesame street and give that bird a run for his money. Now I know I must lose weight. It's a damn shame you all can't see me in these, from a distance people will be like oh my god, it's that kid that got blown up in that Disney movie. Anyway, I think I am cute in these, even if I am a little rotund. hehehe...
Maters and such
Today I started the seeds that will be the spring tomatoes we sell this year. So that means if all goes well the little dried bits of seeds should be in someone's salad, or on a sammich, or in some kinda sauce by as early as the end of may. Wow, that's cool. I started helping someone make dinner 4 and a half months in advance. I started about 300 tomatoes today. I'm going to seed peppers, and a few herbs tomorrow. Today I kicked back under the trees with one of my co-workers, both of us filthy from planting, tired as hell from moving tables, but he just looked over at me and smiled and said, damn, I still can't believe we get paid to do this. We just sat and looked at the blue sky for a long time after that. I bitch about my job, but I still have days when I can't believe how lucky I am, how far I've come, and that they pay me to do what I do. The days when I'm just out working with the guys, digging or moving things are the times I feel the best. I was born and raised for hard work, my body knows it, and needs it. My hands were a combination of dirt, blood and mud by the end of the day, but it felt good. So the next time you reach for that nice fresh veggie down there in the crisper, know that some poor tired heifer like me probably planted it, and was probably happy to do so.
Monday, January 9
Bottle of red
I've been home for an hour and a half and have averaged a glass of wine every 30 minutes. Red tonite, just to change it up. Captain bitch x has helped me not stop drinking this week.(excuse, i know, but my excuss, so there) So today I decided to be the bigger person and talk to cbx. She went with my one weakness in conversation, and engaged me in a botanical question and answer session. Turns out she is intimidated and doesn't know the plant stock and doesn't want to match my sales. I still don't like the yank, and being under educated in your field is no reason to start off your new job being an asshole .... I will give her a second chance, she should feel priviledged, I don't do that for some friends. She asked me for a crash course in trees tomorrow, so I intend to rattle on Latin names like a professor. If she really wants to know she will learn, it's not a job for the wittless, weak, or stupid. True colors should fly within the week. I know I kick a lot of shit, but my job is the one fucking thing I do well, and to have some half ass looking down her nose at me because I refuse to be a cookie cutter sales person is not right. I get dirty, surprise, no, i work in fucking dirt. I just want to plant things and get dirty and meet people that want to plant things, hell, I'm not an idiot, I know I could make much more money at other jobs, but my heart feels good when someone shakes my hand and tells me they really feel good about making the world a little better by planting something. I don't pretend to save lives or better the political outlooks or stop the war. I just sell plants, that I grow, and love and need more than any of the bastards that buy them. I don't know, I'm just tipsy and pissy, but it's my fucking job...I just hate being judged, and then having to shrug it off later when assholes realize that I'm fucking worth something and they need me... The cbx better bring a notepad, I don't repeat....
Wings revisited
Yummy yum burp yum....So Sandra made the best damn hot wings on the planet last night. I had the left overs for lunch, and they were still great. I ate like a ferrell dog. Head in bowl, gobbling til all was naught. I came up for air with the big joker smile made of hot wing sauce. The sauce is her own recipe that I amended with a 1/4 cup of fresh local honey. She bakes the wings, which is way better than frying and much tastier I must say. Anyway I'm on my lunch break and mustn't get caught up in a lunch blog, but damn those were really good wings! Kudos babe!
Sunday, January 8
bad day song lyrics to finish up a pretty good day?!@*&?!
i know most of you don't read song lyrics and misc shit like poetry that i post, but i heard a 20 second snip of this song and i needed to hear the whole thing so i found it, weird, weird, weird. songs find us. and if you ever get drunk, and get lost in your own head, i know some of you do, some of you do...sometimes, you just need a blue sky holiday...sometimes i think i might be crazy, but then i know i'm not any crazier than the people i love and that jerks me back into reality, and this means nothing to you, because it's just me, just me in my head and my fingers on keys connecting to random feelings and thoughts that in the long run are nothing...
--daniel powter---bad day---
Where is the moment we need at the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on
You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
(Oh.. Holiday..)
Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
--daniel powter---bad day---
Where is the moment we need at the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on
You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
(Oh.. Holiday..)
Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Strawberry fields forever
Today was so nice at work. The month of January means we get to close early and open late on Sundays. I have to be there at my regular time, but I get several customer free hours. It was in the high seventies today. We got our spring fruit shipments. For Dan that means fruit trees, for me that means bare root strawberries along with grapes, and a few other misc. items. My hands still smell like the warm moist peat moss I was elbow deep in all day. Each line in my hand is soiled, and from this point until next fall they probably won't get completely clean. I was just chatting with a friend and telling her jokingly that I feel like a plant sometimes. (so maybe i wasn't joking) I think I go dormant in the winter with all of the things I hold dear. That's the nice part about having such a short winter here, less time for a dormant heart. I'm not sure what the spring will hold, with captain bitch x and all, but either way I have my plants, and my beer, and that is as close to heaven as this body can get on earth. Tomorrow I plant the rest of the strawberries, bringing the grand total to one thousand. Who knew so many years ago that all it would take to make me happy would be a little true love, and a big pile of dirt. I can honestly say I am where I belong, my heart, my soul, my hands, all useful, and happy. I can still feel the sun on my face, and it isn't even fully spring yet. I wish blue skies and green things to anyone that's stumbles here...Sigh....
Friday, January 6
CBX update
Everyone at work hates captain bitch x now. I picked up my check today to the complaints of my co-workers. Now i just have to capitalize on this...hehehe.
Day off
Today I did nothing. The sun was bright enough outside, but there was still a little chill in the house when I woke up, so I built a little fire which has now kept me company for the better part of the day. I just gave the little woman my bankcard and sent her off to the store. I myself have the grill going, waiting for whatever goodness she returns with. It already smells like spring outside, my angel trumpets are blooming, and things are turning green. It's really no wonder with the weather we have had lately. Consistent high 70's and 80's for at least a couple of weeks. The days are just starting to get a tiny bit longer each week. I could live forever in a perpetual state of spring. Days off are so nice...
Wednesday, January 4
pay my "RENT"
THIS IS A SNIPET FROM THE RENT SOUNDTRACK... doesn't really fit, but i'm drunk and it's a damn fine musical number to dance around the house in ya drawers to!
La Vie Boheme....
(long live bohemia)
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
Carmina Burana
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Vaclav Havel - The Sex Pistols, 8BC,
To no shame - never playing the Fame Game
To marijuana
To sodomy, It's between God and me To S & M
La Vie Boheme....
(long live bohemia)
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
Carmina Burana
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Vaclav Havel - The Sex Pistols, 8BC,
To no shame - never playing the Fame Game
To marijuana
To sodomy, It's between God and me To S & M
Proud of me?
My dearest blog, it has been to long, the calendar has posted another year and I haven't written enough. It has taken the last week to process the trip home, several days to filter out the family guilt, many hours getting back to being gay. This double life thing is crazy for those of you who haven't tried it, I don't really recommend it. The distance does make life a little easier. It would however be nice to bring the wife home for the holidays, if she wanted to be subjected to it. I do have many nice snapshots captured in my head tho, pics with my friends/real family. And pics with my mom, which were a first. I can see in her eyes as the years pass that she knows she is getting older, and we need to have all the good times we can. Don't get me wrong, I want her to outlive me, and at the rate I consume alcohol she probably will, but the world is a crazy place and I want all of her dreams to come true. I wish I had more to give her, I wish I were better. If wishes were nickels I would be rich. The word home is swirling around in my head today, bouncing off of the sides of my wine glass now as I drink. Home is such an abstract thing to me, I have called every place I felt safe home. The years I crashed at seth's house felt like home. The months I spent at dawnia's house, mainly just sleeping, felt like home. When I hug Jeremy it still feels like home. My life here with Sandra feels very much like home. Oddly enough the town I grew up in doesn't feel like home anymore. It's so hard for me right now, the one time in my life when my family is finally at a place of peace, is the time I feel the strangest. Oh believe you me I want to slip back into it like an old sock, but my heart needs to feel free in the new family that I have. I almost said chose, but I don't think with all of the grief this causes that I would really have chosen the lifestyle I have. I'm not a bad person. I love my wifey, take care of my pets, dream of growing old, just like everybody else, but I know it's not that easy yet. The wife's j.o.b. keeps us in the closet, because the world sees all gay people as bad. Anyway, I don't feel bad. I don't want to feel bad. I just want the same things everybody else wants. A little respect, some unconditional love from the people I deserve it from, and a warm little brown woman sleeping by me every night. My great uncle tried to guilt me into the republican/Christian right when I was home. I looked at him, I pointed out my moms front door at the beautiful mountains near her home and I said, look at this , look at where we were raised , and thank your god for it, you all gave me the knowledge and wisdom to be a free thinking adult, basically, you made me , be proud of that. One day I hope I can be proud of who I am... right now i'll just finish this wine.
Tuesday, January 3
First Impressions
So I went back to work yesterday after my nice long holiday, and was immediately pulled into the office for a management meeting. To my right, the current general manager, to my left , the woman I shall now call co-manager bitch captain X. I added the captain x part because it will make later stories about her far more humorous if I can put her in a super villain role, the bitch part because she earned it already. Now the boss man is in front of me at his desk, so what do I do, I stroll in flip a chair around backwards, straddle it, and eat my damn granola bar. Me...tie dyed shirt, ripped jeans, chacos, unbrushed hair. Her, polo shirt tucked in, nice pants, hair do, new shoes. I stifled a burp as I said hello. She is a Yankee, she knows nothing of southern plants, southern drawls, or southern hospitality. She is a cold wet fish. I didn't shake her hand. She is also old. After I finished my coffee I weighed in on this pseudo management meeting. Pretty much he said, I'm not quiet ready for the full general management spot, I agreed, she smirked, then he told her she wasn't either. She is a paper pusher, I am a damn dirt loving tree huggin flower planting non paper pushing hippie. The battle ensued, I told her we all share the load, no one is bettertha anyone else here on my planet, and with that the old beast was killed and a new two headed beast emerged from the flames. We have to share the position. Which is fine with me, I get a 2 dollar raise, my 3rd within a year, cha ching...And she gets to do the paper work. Now don't get me wrong, my new found hate for her didn't rear it's ugly head til I heard her as I walked away, she was all, yeah, I already have her figured outjust by hearing her talk in the meeting. Well, my dearest bitch captain x, my middle name is manipulation, and no one I know has me quiet figured out. I strolled out whistling and went on a field trip to buy dirt.(2 yards of rose soil to be exact! i'm doing roses from bare root this year! go me! anyway) She started her paper work. I think I will turn this springs adventures in gardening into a comic strip. I am a super hero... Hey, I guess dawnia was right when she said I make everybody have a superpower. p.s. Don't mess with Texas, hardcore biattchhhesss. hehe, I said that like cartman.
Monday, January 2
2 dogs, 1 cat, 1 ferret, our house is a mess. poor lola just keeps walking around scratching at the floor as if to cover every trace of the other 3 rouge animals that have a tendency to go pee and poop if not closely monitored. you can almost see the disgust in her eyes. tonight alone she has smacked speedy and pummeled both dogs at least once. she has a sizable advantage on them all. the littlest dog ran circles around her for 20 minutes while lola patiently awaited the little dogs tiring. of course she pounced and the little dog ran away squealing. oh the joy of pet sitting. now i'm off to watch chick roller derby!
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