Birthday call

i posted this last night , and took it down, at the kind suggestion of a friend i am reposting, it makes me feel a little raw though...


So my brothers both remembered my birthday, and they said their wives made them call, but it's ok, cause they both called. As the last few years of my life have moved on here in san antonio I have realized how much I miss those fuckers. You spend a damn fine lot of your life with siblings if you are lucky enough to have them. I was. I am. We had a shitty life growing up. We never knew we were poor, because everyone we knew was also poor, but we did know we were different. We didn't have a car. We were split up on a number of occasions, which I never talk about because it hurts still, jesus, we didn't have indoor plumbing until I was 5, that's 1981 if you are counting. All beside the point, we are all now in places that make us feel safe. We are all now with people that tell us we are loved. It's one thing to know it , it's another thing to hear it. When you grow up scared, you need to hear it. A blanket of happiness to my mother. I pray for her happiness everyday. She loves us so much. She gave us all she was, and is, and she is still giving. It has just been in the last few years of my life that any of us has ever told each other we love each other. If you love it, it leaves. And fuck him for leaving and passing down a generation of hate and sadness and pain. It has taken my family 30 years to be able again to feel, and this post above all others is more to myself than anyone else. Today I talked to my mom and both of my brothers, and we all told each other we loved each other, and even though I spent today alone, I was loved, and I know it, and that is far better than any gift. Getting older brings a whole new spin on the world. Words aren't quiet as sharp as they use to be, anger is harder to find, and tears flow freely when they need to. It just felt good to hear them say it , you know? Happy birthday to me....